Law of Examination

Here's something that I wanted to post after the exam but never got around to, just for kicks and giggles:

Law of Examination

A compilation of noteworthy things I noticed students [should] do before, during, and after an examination of any kind. Of course, that by no means excludes me!

1) The course, and any subsequent learning of materials, officially starts 12 hours prior to the examination. There will be no course instructor; all course materials will be self-taught directly from the textbook.

2) Interesting phenomena: Facebook traffic spikes to 325% of average yearly traffic between 10pm and 3am of the night prior to examination. You are no doubt expected to contribute to this traffic.

3) Interesting phenomena: Exam grade is inversely proportional to sleep acquired the night before.

4) Classes on the day of the exam, including the class for the course of which you will be examined in, are optional. 

5) Arrive at the exam 30 minutes early. The invigilators will not allow entrance into the exam room until 5 minutes before the exam, and you know this full well; in fact, the professor suggested to arrive 15 minutes early (for no explicit reason, nonetheless). Then proceed to stand outside and wait around stupidly.

6) 20% of all course material is to be learnt within this half hour that you are standing outside the room.

7) The other 80% is learnt during the exam.

8) Protip: Your lucky writing utensils won't do you jack. Instead, bring a coin to flip for multiple choice questions.

9) Graph of handwriting legibility deterioration over time exhibits an exponential relationship.

10) No matter how early you completed the exam, you will always be cut off mid-sentence.

11) Post-exam, it is customary to report to all peers that you "did bad". At most, report that you may report you did "okay lah".

12) The post-exam review session consists of a circle of 2 or more exam candidates discussing, in detail, questions and answers from the exam. During this time, it is acceptable to affirm answers of which you are 110% confident you answered correctly.

13) This post-exam debrief often lasts longer than the pre-exam studying period.

14) During post-exam review, look through your textbook to find answers to the midterm, even though it will not change your midterm grade and the question will certainly not appear on the final exam.

15) Go home to study for tomorrow's exam.